Disclaimer: This post is from , a satirical site about healthcare.
In an exciting turn of events, Congress has passed the I'll Be Right In Never Act (IBRINA), also known as "the ghost law," allowing physicians to passive-aggressively terminate patients in their practice at any time.
"Social media has really been embedded into our society," said Sen. Judd Dredge (R-N.H.),who helped passed IBRINA. "Medicine needs to get with the times and get with how people talk and interact. We wanted to do away with 'firing a patient' as patients did not like that terminology. It was as if they were employees for the physician. Instead, a physician can now just 'ghost' a patient and as we predicted, patients are much more receptive to this!"
Under IBRINA, which passed both houses of Congress by wide margins and takes effect immediately, physicians may simply avoid seeing difficult patients, using any excuse they want, or even without any excuse.
Phan Tom, MD, is a physician who advocated strongly for the legislation. "This bill will make the doctor-patient relationship that much better," she said. "Instead of filling out mountains of paperwork and still seeing a patient for 30 days, we just ghost them. If they show up for an appointment, my nurse will triage them and I just never enter the room."
"Eventually, I get my nurse to tell them 'the doctor can't make it' or 'he is feeling sick, sorry.' Or if they call or use the patient portal, I just won't answer, nor do I need to. I might, however, call or message them back and tell them 'I have been really really really busy.... sorry, but we will catch up soon.' I tell you, it really makes my life easier!"
Physicians are rejoicing nationwide. Instead of reluctantly explaining to a poorly compliant diabetic for the 15th time that he needs to take his medications, the physician can just choose not to see him.
Said one physician, who did not want to be named, "I think it is awesome, especially for physicians that get their feelings hurt! I used to get sad when I found out one of my patients was also seeing another physician across town. I am no one's second choice. So I just ghosted the patient because I don't need that in my life!"